Yoo-hoo, it's the Mandarins Suffolk tour
this week! Four days and nights of cricket, indulgence and sore joints.
Arrangements still to make, kit to find, things to pack, emails to answer
from Tony Hawkhead who still can't make sense of the team list email. Why
not - it's just a simple spreadsheet!?
Phew, bag's really heavy
with sun cream, books, CDs, bat and stuff. Can hardly drag it to the train
station: Note for next year: get a car!
Uneventful journey to Essex
Uni., but arrive late and miss lunch at Wivenhoe. Shame. Am immediately
asked who skipper is. Why ask me - ah yes, of course, I'm the Tour Manager
this year; so easy to forget these things.
Turns out Hawkhead not
the only one who can't read my email: some sort of technical hitch means
it's all just a blank sheet to many. Other's, it seems, were just too
polite to say anything. Obviously their life experience has taught them to
trust. Luckily though, the intended 11 still turn up.
Select
Jeremy Crump as captain, who then asks the selector (i.e., me) who in
today's team was chosen for their bowling. Ah, yes, didn't think of that
when selecting team. Can't remember now what I was thinking of.
Didn't select self for team so umpire instead. Immediately regret
this when Barrie stands in front of his stumps but forgets to hit ball.
Bowler looks me right in eye during appeal, which is more than Barrie's
doing, and I grant the wicket. First blood to Andy Heard. Got Baz at Essex
last year as well!
Stefan comes in at 3 and take lazy swipe across
the line, and it's all over for him too. Nick Davidson fends the hat
trick, but only just. Then it's more off spinners and the pace of play
declines somewhat, as we work our way up to a passable total. Jeremy
Jarvis looking good after an uncertain start, but retires hurt on 52;
Hawkhead gets a nice 47, and everyone else chips in.
Am retired
from umpire duties (for some time, probably!) but lose interest in
watching the accumulation phase, so spend time in nets perfecting bowling
action instead. Am reminded that am still Tour Manager when notice Chris
Healey arranging drinks halfway through innings. Oops! Thanks, Chris.
Bowling embarrassment particularly acute when innings opens with
Porter and Healey bowling seam-up. Not that there's anything wrong with
these guys bowling; no, not at all. It's just a little unusual, that's
all. Selection policy fully vindicated as they do a grand job, with Mills
chipping in at the end with 2 - 3. Essex disintegrate after the fourth
wicket, and victory is ours.
Hampshire lose to Derby on the second
day. Groan!
Mandarins 188/6 (Jarvis 52* (r/h), Hawkhead 47) Essex
Univ. 100 a.o. (Porter 3-21, Crump 2 - 14, Mills 2 -3) Mandarins win by 88
runs.
Long drive to Framlingham and the usual curry, better than
ever this year. Decide to interview team captain in manner of Simon
Hughes: get answers like: "it's easy for captain when lads give 110%...",
"...giving total commitment", blah, blah. That's what they say on TV -
maybe a media career in prospect for me?
Perudo till the small
hours - very small in my case.
Not selected for Framlingham either as priority given to good players after
last year's drubbing. Then Robin Pharaoh doesn't turn up, so get a game
anyway. Fram start well and look solid against accurate bowling from
Eastaway and Gardiner. Rob bowling as fast as I've seen for some time.
Mills and Hurst prove Fram's nemesis though, with Paul bowling the fullest
toss to get Simon Halliday caught on the cheap at mid-wicket.
Stefan makes his usual superb wicket-keeping performance taking
lightning-speed stumpings. Later, in The Station, I hear Simon offering
Stef a touring contract for next year. Why don't they ask me, I wonder!?
Fram's 153 looks achievable, for once; but talent, technique and
youth combined prove too much. Barrie is LBW again without really getting
in. Best was John Porter, who, with 29, was also the match's top scorer.
Nice one, John, and I admire his self-appraisal in the dressing room. Bad
ball timing? Certainly, that's right, but the rest of us didn't even get
enough bat on it, let alone time it badly. Admire the passion, though, and
make mental note for own innings.
The seam bowling was nagging and
the spin was remarkable; 90-degree turns, almost. Luckily we had Jim
Thomson, who dropped one at mid-wicket whilst playing for the oppo.
(thanks, Jim!). Refused to bowl, apparently, to spare his blushes. Pity
:-).
An exciting finish with a run chase as wickets fall.
Eastaway's the only one to look comfortable, playing some magnificent
cover drives to the boundary. Sadly, he bats too late and runs out of
partners. Even Healey, going in as jack because of sort foot, lobs easy
catch to mid-off.
Skipper's Thoughts: "we played as a unit..."
Framlingham 153 a.o. (Hurst 4 - 349, Mills 2 - 8) Mandarins 142
a.o. (Porter 29) Framlingham win by 13 runs.
Play Call My Bluff
back at base. Some great words, some great definitions: frustrati, defined
as "an Italian biscuit that crumbles before you can touch it". Or
googleplonk, which may be a "failed Internet Executive". Literary talent
in abundance tonight. Crump wonders how we can make money from it all.
Some have greatness thrust upon them,
others have it thrust up them. As for me, well, today I am volunteered
into skippering the team. Trouble is, I know tiddly-squat about field
placing; because, having never had the control to bowl at a set field, the
precise position of mid-wicket has always seemed immaterial to me. "5 - 4
please; maybe 6 - 3 if it's coming out right", is about all I need.
Everyone tells me what I have to do as skipper. Firstly, we must
bat first - no toss required. Melton Audrey Thirds didn't rate themselves
that highly, and despite one good bowler, we thrash our way to 227. Mills
is surprisingly docile when opening, I notice. Good discipline for the
future, methinks. Gardiner is dismissive at number 3 as he qualifies for a
jug-avoidance 48. Jarvis retires hurt - again! Wanted to declare early,
but the catering ladies forbade it.
Into bowl, and we start with a
few quick wickets from Phillips and Hurst. It could finish quickly, and
I'm bombarded with advice from the other 10 skipper's on the field, some
of whom want to crush them mercilessly and get into the bar, whilst others
want to "make a game of it". For the first time since I skippered my
school House team, even the umpire lobbied me on the choice of bowling!
In the end I compromise between the two positions and bring Gus on
to bowl; who promptly gets wickets and thus completes a performance in
both innings. Mills and Baker do a better job of it, bowling stinkers that
do no damage.
Keeper David Williams makes a nice stumping. No
doubt surprised when the skipper has a word telling him to cut out that
kind of behaviour! David can't help himself an hour later though, and
almost mows down a youngster to take a catch that was lobbed up just in
front. I make a better job of avoiding my catch, though, and feel
strangely pleased about it. Take some stick in the bar from the
competitive crowd.
With 8 overs to go, some safe old hands get in
and shut-up shop, and suddenly we may not even win! But it's all OK in the
end, with Davidson taking a slip catch in his loins (don't ask) to break
the partnership. I'm not sure the last man even saw the ball before it hit
the stumps.
Nice place, nice tea, and thanks for the fixture.
I interview myself after the game: "Opportunities seized..." etc.
etc.
Mandarins 227 - 7 (Gardiner 48, Crump 40*) Melton 100 a.o.
Mandarins win by 127.
The dinner was great, we play poker all
night, a tennis tournament in the morning (winner: D. Williams), and
decamp to the first Pimpernels game for five years that's not washed out.
The Pimpernels ground is called "Frogs Hall, Barrow", which is a wonderful
name. And the little gate on the boundary edge, through which all must
pass, is priceless.
Pimps bat and look solid against the openers.
But they didn't play that aggressively and should probably have scored
more runs than their 155 - 2. If it had been a 5-day Test they'd have
surely scored 500; but it wasn't. Accurate spells from Gardiner (9 - 4 -
12 - 0) and Healey (10 - 2 - 21 - 0) brought economy but no wickets.
Tea was superb (fresh pineapples and melon), the day was warm, and
all was well with the world. Barrie and Jonathan Wilmot (skipper for the
day) batted nicely; as did Gus, who played what someone called "the senior
innings, showing drive and pace". Looked more like golf strokes to me!
Effective, though. A glowing innings from David Williams formed the
backbone of the innings.
I sat with Jim, my back creaking from
having fallen down the winding stairs at Harrison's last night. Now, Jim
is the most diligent scorer I've ever played with, and I endeavoured to
match his example. Funny thing is that despite writing up every ball and
cross-referencing totals for each over, I don't now remember much of the
play. The skipper's verdict at the close was "Fine team
performance...pleased with the bowling", and that just about sums it up.
Pimpernels 155 - 2 (Gardiner 9 - 4 - 12 - 0, Healey 10 - 2 - 21 -
0) Mandarins 156 - 5 (Williams 44) Mandarins win by 5 wickets.
A
great tour, enjoyed by all, I think. Lots'a help from Chris on his last
year as co-organiser, and only 358 days till Suffolk 2004...